Splosion Man Review

4 08 2009

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After hearing a lot of hype about this mysterious “Splosion Man” in the past few weeks I decided to find out first, what the hell sploding is and second, is this game any good? As soon as I got home from work that day I downloaded the demo off of Xbox Live Marketplace and sat down for some crazy. Let me just say one thing…WIN. Twisted Pixel’s  newest addition to Xbox Live Arcade takes platform gaming to a whole new level of awesome and ridiculousness. To give you a short and vague description, Splosion Man is like the unholy love-child of Mega man, Sonic, LSD, Shrooms and a whole lot of Cocaine…and about 12 cups of coffee on top of that.

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The object of the game is to take your little radioactive cocaine addict and explode or “Splode” your way through the side scrolling platform levels. Apparently you are taking revenge for some reason on the scientists who made you awesome… That or your crack dealer is waiting outside and you REALLY need to get to him fast. Your character flies through the levels by sploding from wall to wall over pits of acid with the help of explosive barrels and basically everything you see on your quest to escape this underground laboratory, including the thousands of nameless scientists who you turn into meat…literally, when you splode them they tumble into piles of ribs and steak Lol. Your character also has an extreme fascination with cake too as you will randomly find floating cakes in every level that you devour in seconds, making your character’s face light up like it was Christmas.

So all I have to say is Buy It! This game is non-stop fast paced fun that will leave you entertained, frustrated at the hard parts and laughing your ass off the rest of the way due to the absolute insanity that you will encounter. There are 50 levels of single player campaign and 50 completely different up to 4 player co-op levels and at 800 Microsoft Points it is a huge deal. So go inject some caffeine into your jugular and Get ready for some Sploding!

-Rapidfire





Star Wars: The Force Unleashed New DLC

27 07 2009

[WARNING: Spoilers and Sweet-Ass Awesome Shit Ahead!]

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LucasArts is gearing up to give us a giant pile of awesome this fall. The hugely successful game Star Wars: The Force Unleashed will see a new expansion which will let the sinister little Sith inside you live out his dark side fantasies. Titled the “infinities” storyline, it will allow players the chance to explore the hypothetical story that would have taken place after killing Darth Vader and becoming the Emperor’s new apprentice. The player is sent on a mission to Tatooine by the Dark Lord of the Sith in order to assassinate Obi-Wan Kenobi. While on Tatooine, you end up at Jabba the Hutt’s palace where you have to face off against a pissed off Boba Fett and I’m guessing also a Rancor. This downloadable content will be available available on Xbox Live, PSN and PC/Mac.

A second part of the “infinities” storyline will be available ONLY as part of a new box set Star Wars: The Force Unleashed – Ultimate Sith edition. This second chapter brings you to the ice planet Hoth in order to kill Luke Skywalker and crush the remainder of the Rebellion. As someone who already owns the Force Unleashed this disappoints me because I don’t want to have to re-buy it in order to get this slice of awesome. Hopefully LucasArts will fix this issue. Either way, check out The Trailer.





Spider-man 4

24 07 2009

             LizardSpec 

That’s right folks, its official. Another spidey film is headed on down the pipe and I for one am going to approach this one with a little caution. I thought that the first two films were excellent, but was pretty put off by Spider-man 3. The whole thing was way too cartoony in its execution and tried to cram too much story into one movie. I mean come on….sandman…Seriously? Anyways, the new film shines a glimour of hope this its rumored cast of villains. At long last we are finally going to get to see the Lizard. After seeing clips of Dr. Curt Conners dropped in every single Spider-man movie but never getting that sweet scaly pay-off, supposedly SamRaimi has finally decided to throw this bad ass villain into the mix. Also, I am very excited for….wait for it….CARNAGE!!!

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After years of waiting us faithful fans are being rewarded with THE most hardcore awesome and absolutely tweaked villain in the Spider-man universe (rumored). The combination of the Venom symbiote and serial killer Cletus Kasady will take this movie franchise into much deeper and darker places. I expect this installment to be the darkest and most sinister in the film series and I really hope Sam Raimi can pull this off. I have faith in Sam though because I am a huge fan, but after that last one I’m still gonna be a little cautious. Oh and also the movie might include the Black Cat, which should make for a smoking hot addition to the cast but other than that I honestly don’t care. Lol.

The new film is scheduled for release in May of 2011.

 





Claymore “donated” to Goodwill

23 07 2009

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In an overwhelming display of generosity, someone in Arvada Colorado “donated” a live claymore land mine to their local Goodwill drop box. Apparently they thought that what the less fortunate really need are anti-personnel explosives to guard their cardboard shacks and shanty towns. 

Police say Goodwill workers became a bit suspicious when they noticed an olive green rectangle with the words “Front Towards Enemy” printed on the front sticking out of the donation box. Once they noticed this I can only assume they did the natural thing and shot fireworks at it until they were bored and then called the police. Either way, the strip mall where the drop box was located had to be evacuated and the local bomb squad was able to dispose of the land mine. With all said and done, we can be rest assured that 24 now has a plot line for their next season.





In the face! IN THE FACE

21 07 2009

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Anyone who has seen the movie The Hangover undoubtedly has the image of Zach Galifianakis being tasered in the face by a pissed off 10 year old hilariously seared into their minds. Well apparently some Australian police took that scene to heart. A 36 year old man named Ronald Mitchell burst into flames after being tasered right in the face by police in Warburton Australia. You’re thinking “OMFG LOLOLOL awesome”, I know.

Now before some of you start saying I’m full of shit and that’s impossible and that he couldn’t just randomly burst into flames like that its important to remember, I’m the one telling the story here so sit your ass down and wait for me to finish. Apparently police were at Ronald’s house because he was suspected to be huffing gas to get high. When the cops showed up he ran out of the house straight at police with a gas can and a lighter in his hands. After refusing to listen to the officer telling him to stop, the officer took out the taser and shot him square in the nose igniting the gas he’d been nostril banging all morning…hilarity ensued.

Here’s the full news story for you: Taser Pwned





COD: Modern Awesome 2

15 07 2009

Ok, that’s it, you win Activision, game over man…game over.

Just when I thought that the upcoming release of COD: Modern Warfare 2 couldn’t get anymore exciting and ridiculously epic Activision came up and smacked me in the face and said “Who told you to stop getting excited? You better wait for my request!”. It seems the most anticipated game of the year will be coming out with 3 versions for sale on the store shelf, a la Halo 3 style. The first being the game itself, the second being the Hardened edition which comes in a metal box that contains concept art, other details on the games development and a code to download the original COD on Xbox 360, PC or PS3. Now that is pretty sweet on its own but the folks up in Activision’s marketing department weren’t finished there, oh no. The third edition which I will call the “OMFG STFU FTW” edition (actual name – Prestige Edition) comes loaded with all this crazy shit.

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Like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? For those of you who are scratching their heads in disbelief, yes that is a set of real WORKING night-vision goggles to go along with your game, metal case, concept art, the making of video and downloadable original COD. Oh and guess what, it even comes with the sculpted head for displaying purposes. Now, this won’t come cheap I can tell you that much. Estimates peg this puppy at a whopping $150, and don’t ask me what currency that is in but I’ll assume its US dollars. Now I don’t know if I’m prepared to dish out that kind of cash but it would definitely be hella-fuckin-balls-to-the-wall-awesome if I did. I can’t wait for Modern Warfare 3 because it will probably come packaged with your own COD branded F-22 Raptor. Now there’s a premium package I can get into.

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The Saga Begins

14 07 2009

Alright, I finally did it. I made a Blog and here it is….now what?
Hmm, I suppose I have to entertain you people who just so happened to stumble upon this little corner of the Internet. No doubt you were actually looking for what I would imagine was incredibly fast porn and accidentally found yourself stuck in here with me. Well you’re not going anywhere damn it, so you might as well listen. I don’t like it anymore than you do but would you rather be working? that’s what I thought.

So anyways, I’m sitting here at work pretending to busy and hungry so I think I’ll go grab my stash of eggos from the office fridge. Now let me tell you,  I want those eggos just as much as Brad Pitt wants his Nazi scalps but to my horror some tool has stolen them. Suddenly my mind is filled with flashing images like a Vietnam vet of some fat lard chasing down and molesting my precious eggos with his face. His pudgy hands barely even able to grasp due to their size and inherent greasiness. I can just see him gnawing away as my eggo screams for help…but no one answers. 

If only I had been there, if only I could have saved it. Like a green barrettI would have swooped in with a bayonet and the ensuing battle would have been worthy of recognition in the Jedi archives. And then with a final blow I would take my knife and I’d….I’d….Suddenly I snap out of my low-glucose induced day dream and realise that everyone in the office is staring at me. So, embarrassed, I quickly grab my cup of coffee and go sit down quietly.

Its gonna be a loooooong day.